Another picture - isn't she gorgeous!

I meant to include this photo earlier, but couldn't. The other photos in my previous post are Molly and me, Molly with her grandparents walking down my street, and the Red Couch photo with my Lifelink travel group!

One year since "the call"

Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone
But miraculously still my own
Never forget for a single minute
You didn’t grow under my heart
But in it
… by: Fleur Conkling Heyliger

One year ago today I sat at my desk at work trying to get something done, but was failing miserably. Why? Because I that July 28, 2005 would be the day that I would get “the call.” At 1:03pm EST, my cellphone rang and the caller id said that it was Jennifer Massie at Lifelink. My eyes welled up with tears. In just a few seconds I would hear my daughter’s name for the 1st time, I would find out how old she was, her height, weight, and where she was waiting for me in China. I took a deep breath and answered the phone. Jennifer told me that she had good news for me – I had been referred a little girl named Guo Ruo Chen and she waiting for me in Beihai City SWI in Guangxi Province. I was also told that she was healthy and born on 12/30/04. She was just 2 days shy of 7 months and much younger than I had expected. I thanked Jennifer and couldn’t wait to get the referral package (which would include the medical report and 3 precious photos) – I would receive it the following day. One more day until I would see my daughter’s face! I called my mother with the good news and she made a few calls to other family members. Then I got to notify all of my friends!

I look back and cannot believe it has been a year. July 28, 2005 was such an amazing day – 2nd only to Gotcha Day. Never could I have ever imagined how much I would love Guo Ruo Chen (now known as Molly). She is the most amazing child, so full of joy and so smart and loving! I hope she will always know how much I love her and how much I wanted her. The wait for my referral was extremely difficult. It was so emotional, so much more than I had expected. There were lots of tears and sleepless nights. I wondered would I ever get a referral, would China close its doors to single mothers, did my dossier get lost? Was my baby cold, hungry, safe? Was there someone who soothed her when she cried? Most days I felt like the wait was too much to bear and I wanted to give up. The terrible wait was something that only another parent adopting from China can understand (fortunately I had the support of many other waiting moms and dads). But now I have Molly and all that pain is just a memory for me, but not for her birthmother.

I cannot even imagine how difficult it must have been for her birthmother to give her up. I am so thankful that she left Molly to be found in a public, highly visible place. I didn’t realize how much I would think about Molly’s birthmother. But I think of her everyday and wish that I could let her know how much I love Molly and how well she is doing. But most of all, I want to say thank you even though those words are not enough. It breaks my heart that I cannot express my gratitude to her and reassure her that Molly is very loved!

Since my referral, I have seen many friends get their referrals too. While I was waiting, no one could console me by saying that I would eventually be matched with the right child. Now I believe. I am so thankful that I missed the cut off day for June 2005 (although at the time, I cried and cried). My life has changed so much and I am amazed by all the beautiful girls I have met since beginning this process. I often think about Lucy, Lauren, Meghan, Grace, Natalie, Emily, and Ella – the other beautiful Beihai City girls in Molly’s referral group. I hope to see them grow up healthy, happy, and confident. I look forward to emails and pictures of all the girls. I love that Molly gets to spend so much time with Jordan and Madison (beautiful toddlers from China now living in Plano, TX). I regret that we moved from Fort Lauderdale before I got to meet Katie, Mia, and Rachel. And that Alexa moved away and I only see her grow up in pictures. So many wonderful girls and families have entered my life in the past 18 months (Zoe, Noelle, Sage, Ally – too many to name and hopefully we add one more referral today for Kacey – fingers are crossed!). This has been the best time of my life. I wish everyone was lucky enough to love and parent a child from China. I am a very lucky woman. I cannot imagine life without Molly and cry when I think about Referral and Gotcha Day (not just my own, but everyone’s!) I also cry thinking about all those children in China waiting for the love of a family. I read recently that only 2% of all children in orphanages in China are actually adopted (one of the saddest statistics I have ever read). I can’t imagine what it would be like for Molly not to have a family, she thrives on love and affection and deserves it just like every other child. The majority of children are not made available for adoption and some are available for domestic adoption only. I am so thankful that Molly’s file made it to the CCAA (Chinese Centre for Adoption Affairs) and was matched with me. My agency, Lifelink, my friends, family, and all the FCC and yahoo groups have been a wonderful source of support and information. I often get told that Molly is lucky because she has a better life than she would have in China. But I am the lucky one and I am thankful every day (sometimes I do forget in the midst of one of Molly’s temper tantrums!)

Molly was in an orphanage sponsored by Half the Sky a nonprofit organization that works on behalf of Chinese orphans. Half the Sky was recently award a $5,000 grant by Global Giving, but much more is needed. If you donate to Half the Sky through Global Giving, any donation given by July 31st will be matched (donations to Half the Sky are tax deductible. The website is http://www.globalgiving.com/pr/1500/proj1448a.html
You can also read more about Half the Sky at http://www.halfthesky.org/ I am making my donation today in honor of Molly. Please think about taking the money you were going to use to buy lunch today and donate it to Half the Sky, it will mean so much to a child in China.

Anna
dd Molly, Beihai City SWI, Guangxi dob 12/30/04, Gotcha 9/19/05

What I learned from my toddler

Toddlers fall asleep in the car 5 minutes before you get home and wake up when you transfer them to their crib

Toddlers do not “relax” when in the bathtub – it will not make them sleepy

Toddlers like the food you give them one minute and don’t want it the next

Toddlers cry because they can

Toddlers have no modesty or manners

Toddlers like the word “no”

Toddlers love unraveling the toilet paper just as much as playing with a $300 toy

Toddlers don’t have a “quiet voice”

Toddlers don’t want to shop – even for cute clothes

Toddlers don’t want to try anything on – not even cute clothes

Toddlers will get a bruise or a scratch on their face the day before you get professional photographs taken

Toddlers will wait to throw a temper tantrum until you are in public (they really prefer to wait until you are in a long line at the grocery store with a large cart of groceries)

Toddlers learn bad habits faster than good ones

Toddlers put everything in their mouths (bugs, cat food, etc.)

Toddlers have an unreasonable fear of Kleenex and cry the second it comes near their nose.

Stuck!

Molly and I had a great time visiting family over the 4th of July. Molly swam and insisted on holding her breath even when she wasn’t under water, let alone in the pool. She would close her mouth and push out her cheeks like she was holding her breath, even though she was completely breathing through her nose. I guess that behavior will stop once she gets a cold!

Molly is learning a new word every day. Most popular right now is “stuck.” When we were in TN, my mother was pushing Molly in the shopping cart and Molly had to put her finger between the rails and got it “stuck.” So my mother rescued her finger and said “did you get your finger stuck” and kissed it better. Since then, Molly gets her finger “stuck” in everything!! Even if the hole is 5 inches wide, she will stick her finger through it and insist that it is “stuck.” If I don’t respond fast enough, she grabs my hand with her “unstuck” hand and directs my hand to her “stuck” finger! I then must kiss the finger better. One time, I didn’t so kiss it fast enough, so she had to kiss it herself. Another time, I showed her that mommy’s finger could get stuck too and I had her kiss my finger better. Now she tries to stick my finger in holes so that she can get it “unstuck.” I now have to grocery shop with a baby yelling “stuck” every 3 minutes!

Other favorite words are “up” with a strong pronunciation of the p; “fall” (used when Cookie Monster “falls” or more likely is thrown out of the crib); and “messy” (I got her out of her carseat the other day after she had been eating crackers – she takes a look back at the seat, points, and says “messy” – now she crumbles everything to make it “messy”).

One day, she will kill me for telling this story, but I can’t help it. For the last few weeks, whenever she has a poopie diaper or is about to, she says “poop poop” and searches out a person to “show” it to! Anyone will do. She begins by identifying her target, she then says “poop poop” and begins to walk backwards to her target. The target must then check her diaper. My father was a target once and didn’t do exactly what she wanted. Instead her scooped her up and went in search of my mother to check for poop poop. She has shown a few other signs that she might be ready for potty training, so I decided it was time for a potty chair! I put her on it just before her bath or bed starting a few days ago and she has used it once. Another time, she sat on it for a story, did nothing, and then stood up while I finished running her bath. All of a sudden, she let loose and peed everywhere. Me, being the genius that I am, got really excited and started yelling “pee pee” – hoping that she would learn to associate what she just did with peeing in her potty. Instead, she got so excited seeing her mommy jumping up and down, smiling, yelling “pee pee”. So she decided to jump up and down and yell “pee pee” too. Fortunately I realized that she is jumping up and down in pee on ceramic flooring and was about to slip. So I grabbed her and sat her on the potty. Smart idea right? Well, she notices all the pee is now lying in a puddle at her feet. Didn’t she learn how to kick in water at the pool? Wouldn’t it be a great idea to practice now? Yes, she thought so and began to “splash” in the pee. I’m laughing hysterically, which encourages her even more and Molly pee is flying everywhere! I’m trying to mop up, but can’t find the toilet paper. Of course, I have put that out of arms reach because Molly likes to unravel it. So I am trying to reach the toilet paper, hold Molly on the potty, while dodging the flying pee! Finally success. But onto the next problem. I had a child proof lock installed on the toilet in Molly’s bathroom, but not in any of the other bathrooms in the house. So I cannot remember how to unlock it. So now I am using one hand to hold Molly down on the potty (even though I have cleaned up some pee, the floor is still slippery) and unlock the lock with the other. She still thinks this whole thing is hysterical and I’m still having trouble containing my laughter. I finally get it unlock and can finish the clean up. By now the water in the tub is too high for Molly and I have to drain about half of it. Finally, I get her in the tub and clean! However, she has still not made the association between her “pee pee” and the potty, but I know she will. I just wish I had a video camera with me.