One year since "the call"

Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone
But miraculously still my own
Never forget for a single minute
You didn’t grow under my heart
But in it
… by: Fleur Conkling Heyliger

One year ago today I sat at my desk at work trying to get something done, but was failing miserably. Why? Because I that July 28, 2005 would be the day that I would get “the call.” At 1:03pm EST, my cellphone rang and the caller id said that it was Jennifer Massie at Lifelink. My eyes welled up with tears. In just a few seconds I would hear my daughter’s name for the 1st time, I would find out how old she was, her height, weight, and where she was waiting for me in China. I took a deep breath and answered the phone. Jennifer told me that she had good news for me – I had been referred a little girl named Guo Ruo Chen and she waiting for me in Beihai City SWI in Guangxi Province. I was also told that she was healthy and born on 12/30/04. She was just 2 days shy of 7 months and much younger than I had expected. I thanked Jennifer and couldn’t wait to get the referral package (which would include the medical report and 3 precious photos) – I would receive it the following day. One more day until I would see my daughter’s face! I called my mother with the good news and she made a few calls to other family members. Then I got to notify all of my friends!

I look back and cannot believe it has been a year. July 28, 2005 was such an amazing day – 2nd only to Gotcha Day. Never could I have ever imagined how much I would love Guo Ruo Chen (now known as Molly). She is the most amazing child, so full of joy and so smart and loving! I hope she will always know how much I love her and how much I wanted her. The wait for my referral was extremely difficult. It was so emotional, so much more than I had expected. There were lots of tears and sleepless nights. I wondered would I ever get a referral, would China close its doors to single mothers, did my dossier get lost? Was my baby cold, hungry, safe? Was there someone who soothed her when she cried? Most days I felt like the wait was too much to bear and I wanted to give up. The terrible wait was something that only another parent adopting from China can understand (fortunately I had the support of many other waiting moms and dads). But now I have Molly and all that pain is just a memory for me, but not for her birthmother.

I cannot even imagine how difficult it must have been for her birthmother to give her up. I am so thankful that she left Molly to be found in a public, highly visible place. I didn’t realize how much I would think about Molly’s birthmother. But I think of her everyday and wish that I could let her know how much I love Molly and how well she is doing. But most of all, I want to say thank you even though those words are not enough. It breaks my heart that I cannot express my gratitude to her and reassure her that Molly is very loved!

Since my referral, I have seen many friends get their referrals too. While I was waiting, no one could console me by saying that I would eventually be matched with the right child. Now I believe. I am so thankful that I missed the cut off day for June 2005 (although at the time, I cried and cried). My life has changed so much and I am amazed by all the beautiful girls I have met since beginning this process. I often think about Lucy, Lauren, Meghan, Grace, Natalie, Emily, and Ella – the other beautiful Beihai City girls in Molly’s referral group. I hope to see them grow up healthy, happy, and confident. I look forward to emails and pictures of all the girls. I love that Molly gets to spend so much time with Jordan and Madison (beautiful toddlers from China now living in Plano, TX). I regret that we moved from Fort Lauderdale before I got to meet Katie, Mia, and Rachel. And that Alexa moved away and I only see her grow up in pictures. So many wonderful girls and families have entered my life in the past 18 months (Zoe, Noelle, Sage, Ally – too many to name and hopefully we add one more referral today for Kacey – fingers are crossed!). This has been the best time of my life. I wish everyone was lucky enough to love and parent a child from China. I am a very lucky woman. I cannot imagine life without Molly and cry when I think about Referral and Gotcha Day (not just my own, but everyone’s!) I also cry thinking about all those children in China waiting for the love of a family. I read recently that only 2% of all children in orphanages in China are actually adopted (one of the saddest statistics I have ever read). I can’t imagine what it would be like for Molly not to have a family, she thrives on love and affection and deserves it just like every other child. The majority of children are not made available for adoption and some are available for domestic adoption only. I am so thankful that Molly’s file made it to the CCAA (Chinese Centre for Adoption Affairs) and was matched with me. My agency, Lifelink, my friends, family, and all the FCC and yahoo groups have been a wonderful source of support and information. I often get told that Molly is lucky because she has a better life than she would have in China. But I am the lucky one and I am thankful every day (sometimes I do forget in the midst of one of Molly’s temper tantrums!)

Molly was in an orphanage sponsored by Half the Sky a nonprofit organization that works on behalf of Chinese orphans. Half the Sky was recently award a $5,000 grant by Global Giving, but much more is needed. If you donate to Half the Sky through Global Giving, any donation given by July 31st will be matched (donations to Half the Sky are tax deductible. The website is http://www.globalgiving.com/pr/1500/proj1448a.html
You can also read more about Half the Sky at http://www.halfthesky.org/ I am making my donation today in honor of Molly. Please think about taking the money you were going to use to buy lunch today and donate it to Half the Sky, it will mean so much to a child in China.

Anna
dd Molly, Beihai City SWI, Guangxi dob 12/30/04, Gotcha 9/19/05